You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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