Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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