Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
