he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
