I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
