I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
