Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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