its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
