The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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