Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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