The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
