I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
