you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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