Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
