why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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