I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
