They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
