so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
