Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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