Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
