I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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