How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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