You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
