We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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