I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Text me some of your sweat
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize