It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
