Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
