If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
