Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
