My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
