Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
its not stalking. its research.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
