i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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