So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
