just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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