im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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