Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
