I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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