she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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