Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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