oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
