I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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