I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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