You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
