Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
