My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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