This dress was meant to end up on your floor
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
