Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
