I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someone shit on the floor
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
