i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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