Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
