you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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