Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize