Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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