She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
