I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
