My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
