Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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