how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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