Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
