Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
