I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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