I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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