I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
