if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
