I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
