bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize