I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
