Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
