WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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