Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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