My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im drinking this country out of the recession.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
