sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
