I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
