Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
