I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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