i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize